we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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