He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
