my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
