By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
