Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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