Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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