My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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