I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
