He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
