Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
