There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
