I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
