tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
