no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
