You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
