Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
