Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
