I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
