Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
