oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
