5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
