Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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