I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
