I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
