You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
