I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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