Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
