i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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