Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Are my feet made of real feet?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
