i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
