Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
