Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
