When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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