y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
