This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
