Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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