You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
