I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
