I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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