His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
