So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
