it wasn't lemon gatorade
areolas are like halos for boobs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
