I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
