You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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