Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
