You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think my moral compass just broke
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
