these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
