dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
