whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
