batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
