come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
