if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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