Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
