I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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