What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
