I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
