walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
